Do what you can...

It's time again for the Assistance Dog Blog Carnival (I apparently missed the last one.) http://aftergadget.wordpress.com/about-the-assistance-dog-blog-carnival/

ADBC button- purple dog on lavender background 

The call for posts is over at Ruled By Paws http://www.ruledbypaws.ca/2013/10/call-for-submissions
The topic this round is "Lessons."

2013 has been a hard year, and it’s not over yet. Duncan blew his knee in January. We did 8 weeks of post-op care. My PTSD and Strider’s instincts clashed horribly just after that, and I returned him to his breeder April 1^st.

I spent months heartbroken and depressed. I’d lost Duncan’s help for weight bearing tasks. While the vet said he could go back to normal work, I’d catch him in the hallway, leaning on the wall to take weight off his left side. It still bothered him. Maybe not as much, but it did. We did hydrotherapy for a while, and he seems better, but mobility work is still not something I want to stress him with.

Strider is doing well in his new home. I’m Facebook friends with his new people, and part of the healing was watching him thrive with them. I hadn’t ruined him. I hadn’t failed him. And he was happy. Which meant it was time for me to move on.

I started looking again, checking shelters and contacting breeders about returned dogs- I didn’t want to deal with all the housebreaking and issues of a young puppy. I went to a dog show, looking to see if there were breeds that, by their body language, set off my hypervigilance. (I learned there’s more than I would have expected, some of them breeds I thought I’d do well with.) Bernese Mountain Dogs, female Great Pyrenees and some hounds seemed like they might work.

I had one BMD breeder say she had a male, who sounded wonderful. I was so excited to go meet him. Then she decided to keep him (he really was wonderful), and it made the depression and heartbreak worse.

The second BMD breeder called me back. She had a male and a female. The male had completed his championship, and was a little less than confident with her other males. The female had not enjoyed the show ring. She liked the judge, she just didn’t think the trotting was all that fun.

Since the PTSD has left me anxious and reactive, I didn’t think I’d be a good match for the male. I went to go see the female. I spent more than an hour there. I fell in love.

Keeper came home just before she turned 10 months, and then we hit a hell of a fear imprint period. I worried she wouldn’t work out, that I’d ruin another prospect. She came out of it, and is learning new skills.

Duncan’s running around and having a great time wrestling with her, though he seems a little perturbed when she wins tug-of-war. He’s no longer the biggest. He’s not 100% on the knee, but he’s 90-95%, and happy. I’ll take it.

I signed up for online dog classes-FE400: Hearing Dog Training with Martha Hoffman and FE210: Shaping with Sue Ailsby- at Fenzi Academy http://www.fenzidogsportsacademy.com/. I’m learning a lot, and getting to polish old skills. I’m teaching Duncan new things to keep him from being bored in his retirement. I’m laying a foundation with Keeper. We’re all enjoying the training sessions, and we’re communicating more.

When Keeper came home, she was mannered, but not trained. She acted like she’d never been asked to problem solve to earn food, and she stuck on food held in hands, staring and standing (I assume this is show ring training?) She’s now offering behaviors, trying new things, and making me proud.

I’m still chipping away at the PTSD with my shrink (Keeper knows the route to the office, but is now trying to take me down hallways to explore), going to physical therapy to see what we can fix on the after-effects of the car wreck, still writing and working part time. As much as I’ll be teaching the dogs, I’ve been learning from them the lesson I need to learn again and again- keep going. It’s not going to be easy, all the time. But there’s always something new coming up.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” I don’t always remember that quote. I want to do more, be more, have more, go more places, most days. But I have the dogs, and we’re learning together. I even have some video of Keeper.

Keeper’s grabbing a wooden dowel dumbbell, and even holds it for a second or two, occasionally. Since her breed is not known for retrieving, and this is our third lesson on this task, I’m pleased.

One of the skills a big dog needs to know in public is to fit in small spaces, not sprawl. This is her first time with this box, and the first time I’ve gotten her to sit in or on an object that wasn’t at least as big as she is.

And I still have a long way to go as a handler. There’s a lot of mistakes in this video (mainly not waiting for her to finish eating all the stray treats), but I can see where she’s focused on the sound and wants to earn her reward.

We’ll keep going, and keep learning. The lesson to keep moving, to keep trying, can be a difficult one to hold on to. Losing Strider as a SDIT was a bitter lesson that sometimes you have to let go, and healing from grief takes whatever path it will take. I'm glad he was in my life. I'm glad I've got a pair of great dogs, and I'm grateful to be looking forward.